The Dark & Dirty Secret 4 Getting What U Want

The dark and dirty secret for getting what you want is simple: ask for it.

Shocking, I know. The fact is most people hate asking for help, and most people also hate saying no. So the mere act of asking sets you apart from others, and those whom you ask may be so surprised you asked them and disinclined to say no that you will get what you want.

From a human decency perspective, I wouldn’t abuse this (this is one of the primary secrets of successful people – they are simply not afraid to ask. The reason they’re not afraid to ask? Lack of empathy and the ability to take someone else’s perspective). But if there is something you genuinely want, then ask for it – be the rare good person who is also successful. Chances are, they will both say yes and enjoy complying with it – and end up liking you better afterwards. It’s a win-win scenario. More people should get in the habit of this, for then the world would be a happier place.

It’s like Christmas (which I always used to question the point of), in which we exchange gifts that in 99% of the cases we could have each simply bought something for ourselves. However, there is something gratifying, meaningful, and connecting about the act of giving and receiving. It builds community and meaningful relationships, which are both deeply good things.

So ask. And thou shalt receive. And build meaningful relationships.

 

Sources:

Bohns, V. K., & Flynn, F. J. (2013). Underestimating our influence over others at work. Research in Organizational Behavior, 33, 97-112.

Bohns, Vanessa K., (Mis)Understanding Our Influence Over Others: A Review of the Underestimation-of-Compliance Effect (2016). Bohns, V. K. (2016). (Mis)understanding our influence over others: A review of the underestimation-of-compliance effect. Current Directions in Psychological Science, Forthcoming. Available at SSRN: http://ssrn.com/abstract=2709947

Galinsky, A. D., Magee, J. C., Inesi, M. E., & Gruenfeld, D. H. 2006. Power and perspectives not taken. Psychological Science, 17: 1068-1074.

Niiya, Y. (2015). Does a Favor Request Increase Liking Toward the Requester?. The Journal of social psychology, 1-11.

van Kleef, G. A., Oveis, C., van der Löwe, I., LuoKogan, A., Goetz, J., & Keltner, D. 2008. Power, distress, and compassion: Turning a blind eye to the suffering of others. Psychological Science, 19: 1315-1322.

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